Monday, May 10, 2004
I know that my last entry was long winded and whiny, but I needed to get that out of my chest. I thank those who read through all that. In spite of what has happened the last two weeks, nothing truly interesting has been goin on in my life. I've been thinking about the blog and I feel like there's really no purpose anymore to continuing it. It's becoming a chore to write in it...I don't even feel like there's anything of interest to write about. Before, I felt that I had something to contribute with my experiences in Japan. Now, who wants to read about a girl sitting on her ass? Also, I feel like I haven't been very open in this blog lately, avoiding writing about things that are unpleasant and painful to me, especially about the death of my friend MC. How could I avoid that subject when it made a big impact on what was going on with me my last several weeks in Japan? It's just not fair and dishonest of me to be holding that back.
It figures that I decide to end my blog now that Blogger has FINALLY added new blog templates...
Maybe I will post once in a while, but I doubt it. I want to concentrate more on posting my pictures on the web and perhaps working on my web page that has been long sitting there, neglected. Again, I appreciate those who took time to read what I had to say.
It figures that I decide to end my blog now that Blogger has FINALLY added new blog templates...
Maybe I will post once in a while, but I doubt it. I want to concentrate more on posting my pictures on the web and perhaps working on my web page that has been long sitting there, neglected. Again, I appreciate those who took time to read what I had to say.
I am very hurt by what happended this weekend. I had been very happy with the way last weekend turned out. The last thing J and CY had told me was that they were able to come to my house the weekend of May 7th and 8th. They weren't sure about TS, so I decided to email her myself. She wrote back saying that she couldn't come so I figured that it was just too bad. Friday was approaching, so I sent an email to J and CY with more specific plans. Since CY said she finished classes at 3pm on Friday, I planned on picking them up at 3:30pm and then we would head straight to Ocean City, where we would go back to my house, which is 30 minutes away. I spent Thursday cleaning the entire house, something that I didn't even do when K was here. I still hadn't received a response to my email, but I happened to catch J on MSN Messenger that evening and he had me understand that he would be waiting for me the next day. However, he didn't seem to know what was going on with CY, whom I still hadn't heard anything from.
On Friday, the next day, as I was driving to Newark, J called me. The first two things he asked me were: "What time are you coming?" and "Are you coming by car?" He then told me that he and two of his Korean friends were going to a Korean restaurant and if I wanted to come along and by the way, could I drive them to a certain rental car place? "What about CY" I asked. "Oh, she says she can't come." At this point I felt a bit put off and just a bit like I was being used. Later, I arrived in Newark, where I had time to meet M and take her to the grocery store, where I told her about my predicament. She told me not to take it personally and to just go with the flow. I figured she was right, so I felt better and went to meet J, his two Korean friends, and the other Japanese girl I had met the week before. After the two Koreans got their rental car, J joined me as we follwed them to the Korean restaurant. He almost left me to drive by myself but I think one of them told him that he should accompany me. By then, it was well after 4:30 so we agreed that maybe it would be better if I stayed at M's apartment for the night and we could head down to Ocean City and my house the next day. J even said something about CY maybe being able to make it on Saturday so I called her but she wasn't home so I left a message on her voice mail. Dinner at the Korean restaurant itself was really nice. Afterwards, we went next door to an Asian grocery store where J and the other Japanese girl had a field day with all the Japanese groceries that were there. So after that, J and I returned to the Towers in my car and the rest headed back in the rental car, but not before making plans to get together that evening. J and I went back to his apartment, which he had to himself that weekend because his roomates took a trip to NY. J then proceeded to spend the next half hour talking on MSN Messenger with some friends in Japan, dragging me twice to make conversation with them as if I was some sort of Japanese-talking circus freak. At this point I wasn't in the mood to be making conversation with someone I didn't know. Meanwhile, I repeatedly tried to get in touch with the two Koreans by phone, but I would get no answer. Then, J showed me an email written to him by CY, telling him, IN ENGLISH, that she wasn't going to be able to make it to my house this weekend. I checked my email in case she had sent me a similar email to me, but she hadn't. Since the Koreans weren't answering the phone, J and I decided to head over to Blockbuster to rent a movie. But before that, he knocked on the door of the girls who live across the hall from him to invite them to join us later that night. A blonde girl that looked like she belonged in a sorority opened the door and when he invited her, she said she was sorry, but that she and her roomates were getting ready to go to a party. Then she asked, "Well, what are you doing tomorrow?" J gave me a quick glance and said "Nothing." Oh, then maybe we could get together tomorrow and have a party." He enthusiastically agreed. As he and I walked towards my car, I said to him, "Weren't you coming to my house tomorrow?." He said, "Yes...ah, but...yeah, I'd have to spend the night, wouldn't I? How about next week? What do you think?" I said something like, "Well, it seems like there's a lot going on for you here, so go ahead and stay." People that I've told this to said that I should have left him standing right then and there, but I put up with him the rest of the evening as I took him to Blockbuster, where he rented "Matrix 3" even after I told him that I had only seen the first Matrix movie. And then I took him to the liquor store and made sure he got good beer. Even after all his sh**!! And he would go on about the upcoming party. He asked me if I would be able to go to the party and I simply said, "No. I'm going back home tomorrow." He kept saying, "Ah, that's too bad you won't be here..." Back in his apartment, he, one of the Korean guys, the Japanese girl, and I watched the Matrix 3, which became a bore after seeing so many explosions and shoot-outs. The Kokrean guy ended up leaving, barely saying anything, before the movie was even over. After the movie finally finished, the girl left and only J and I were left. I was a bit buzzed but I was determined to return to M's apartment. Throughout all this, I still felt some sexual tension between us tow and I wondered if I would be strong enough to resist it, because I think a small part of me wanted something to happen, I must admit. And I think maybe he did too because he kept saying, "Maybe you should just spend the night. You could sleep in my bed and I could sleep on the couch." But I was so disgusted with him at the point that I said no. I promised myself that I would NEVER drive when even the slightest bit under the influence, but under these circumstances, I was determined to leave. By the time I was falling asleep in my sister's apartment, I remembered that I had promised to call him when I got back but I figured that he didn't deserve a call from me. On my way home the next day, he called me and asked, "So I'll see you next week?" I said, "Maybe." I should have outright said, "No."
Needless to say, CY never returned my call. I just can't believe that she avoided all direct communication with me, writing J a letter in English, obviously meant for me, not bothering to tell me herself. And I hadn't even found out about her not coming until I was already halfway to Newark! I know that the avoidance of direct confrontation is just part of Japanese culture and as much as I try and try to understand Japanese culture, I can't help feeling deeply insulted, hurt, and upset by her actions, especially since my only intention was to be nice to her and J and to repay in someway the kindness I was shown in Japan by people like T-san and KM. My dad says that maybe I was being pushy and annoying in inviting them. Did I really annoy her? Was I really that pushy?
As for J, he totally disregarded my plans, even after having made so much effort to receive them in my home, having spent an entire day cleaning the house and having driven two hours to pick them up. I can only attribute most of his actions to his immaturity, simple lack of consideration for others, and thinking of only what was best for him. And then he had me run around and take him places. I should have seen it coming. He did it before last year, and I should have known that he would do it again. It serves me right for being so nice. Come to think of it, he is one of the most selfish people I know, his thoughtlessness comparable to one of a 3-year-old child. And if he didn't want to come because he'd rather hang out at UD, why didn't he just say so? Again, Japanese culture...My only consolation was that he didn't "get any" from me this time and that I was strong enough to resist him. I think this also proves just how much I love K...
Needless to say, I plan on never speaking to them again. I erased all contact information from my records and I blocked J from my MSN contact list. I wrote a cordial email to TS, who at least had the decency to tell me that she couldn't come, and wished her a safe trip back home and good luck in the future. Still, I wish I could just tell them off, but I know it would only result in me looking like a bigger fool than I have been made to look like. I even wish for an apology, but I have to accept that I will never get one...
On Friday, the next day, as I was driving to Newark, J called me. The first two things he asked me were: "What time are you coming?" and "Are you coming by car?" He then told me that he and two of his Korean friends were going to a Korean restaurant and if I wanted to come along and by the way, could I drive them to a certain rental car place? "What about CY" I asked. "Oh, she says she can't come." At this point I felt a bit put off and just a bit like I was being used. Later, I arrived in Newark, where I had time to meet M and take her to the grocery store, where I told her about my predicament. She told me not to take it personally and to just go with the flow. I figured she was right, so I felt better and went to meet J, his two Korean friends, and the other Japanese girl I had met the week before. After the two Koreans got their rental car, J joined me as we follwed them to the Korean restaurant. He almost left me to drive by myself but I think one of them told him that he should accompany me. By then, it was well after 4:30 so we agreed that maybe it would be better if I stayed at M's apartment for the night and we could head down to Ocean City and my house the next day. J even said something about CY maybe being able to make it on Saturday so I called her but she wasn't home so I left a message on her voice mail. Dinner at the Korean restaurant itself was really nice. Afterwards, we went next door to an Asian grocery store where J and the other Japanese girl had a field day with all the Japanese groceries that were there. So after that, J and I returned to the Towers in my car and the rest headed back in the rental car, but not before making plans to get together that evening. J and I went back to his apartment, which he had to himself that weekend because his roomates took a trip to NY. J then proceeded to spend the next half hour talking on MSN Messenger with some friends in Japan, dragging me twice to make conversation with them as if I was some sort of Japanese-talking circus freak. At this point I wasn't in the mood to be making conversation with someone I didn't know. Meanwhile, I repeatedly tried to get in touch with the two Koreans by phone, but I would get no answer. Then, J showed me an email written to him by CY, telling him, IN ENGLISH, that she wasn't going to be able to make it to my house this weekend. I checked my email in case she had sent me a similar email to me, but she hadn't. Since the Koreans weren't answering the phone, J and I decided to head over to Blockbuster to rent a movie. But before that, he knocked on the door of the girls who live across the hall from him to invite them to join us later that night. A blonde girl that looked like she belonged in a sorority opened the door and when he invited her, she said she was sorry, but that she and her roomates were getting ready to go to a party. Then she asked, "Well, what are you doing tomorrow?" J gave me a quick glance and said "Nothing." Oh, then maybe we could get together tomorrow and have a party." He enthusiastically agreed. As he and I walked towards my car, I said to him, "Weren't you coming to my house tomorrow?." He said, "Yes...ah, but...yeah, I'd have to spend the night, wouldn't I? How about next week? What do you think?" I said something like, "Well, it seems like there's a lot going on for you here, so go ahead and stay." People that I've told this to said that I should have left him standing right then and there, but I put up with him the rest of the evening as I took him to Blockbuster, where he rented "Matrix 3" even after I told him that I had only seen the first Matrix movie. And then I took him to the liquor store and made sure he got good beer. Even after all his sh**!! And he would go on about the upcoming party. He asked me if I would be able to go to the party and I simply said, "No. I'm going back home tomorrow." He kept saying, "Ah, that's too bad you won't be here..." Back in his apartment, he, one of the Korean guys, the Japanese girl, and I watched the Matrix 3, which became a bore after seeing so many explosions and shoot-outs. The Kokrean guy ended up leaving, barely saying anything, before the movie was even over. After the movie finally finished, the girl left and only J and I were left. I was a bit buzzed but I was determined to return to M's apartment. Throughout all this, I still felt some sexual tension between us tow and I wondered if I would be strong enough to resist it, because I think a small part of me wanted something to happen, I must admit. And I think maybe he did too because he kept saying, "Maybe you should just spend the night. You could sleep in my bed and I could sleep on the couch." But I was so disgusted with him at the point that I said no. I promised myself that I would NEVER drive when even the slightest bit under the influence, but under these circumstances, I was determined to leave. By the time I was falling asleep in my sister's apartment, I remembered that I had promised to call him when I got back but I figured that he didn't deserve a call from me. On my way home the next day, he called me and asked, "So I'll see you next week?" I said, "Maybe." I should have outright said, "No."
Needless to say, CY never returned my call. I just can't believe that she avoided all direct communication with me, writing J a letter in English, obviously meant for me, not bothering to tell me herself. And I hadn't even found out about her not coming until I was already halfway to Newark! I know that the avoidance of direct confrontation is just part of Japanese culture and as much as I try and try to understand Japanese culture, I can't help feeling deeply insulted, hurt, and upset by her actions, especially since my only intention was to be nice to her and J and to repay in someway the kindness I was shown in Japan by people like T-san and KM. My dad says that maybe I was being pushy and annoying in inviting them. Did I really annoy her? Was I really that pushy?
As for J, he totally disregarded my plans, even after having made so much effort to receive them in my home, having spent an entire day cleaning the house and having driven two hours to pick them up. I can only attribute most of his actions to his immaturity, simple lack of consideration for others, and thinking of only what was best for him. And then he had me run around and take him places. I should have seen it coming. He did it before last year, and I should have known that he would do it again. It serves me right for being so nice. Come to think of it, he is one of the most selfish people I know, his thoughtlessness comparable to one of a 3-year-old child. And if he didn't want to come because he'd rather hang out at UD, why didn't he just say so? Again, Japanese culture...My only consolation was that he didn't "get any" from me this time and that I was strong enough to resist him. I think this also proves just how much I love K...
Needless to say, I plan on never speaking to them again. I erased all contact information from my records and I blocked J from my MSN contact list. I wrote a cordial email to TS, who at least had the decency to tell me that she couldn't come, and wished her a safe trip back home and good luck in the future. Still, I wish I could just tell them off, but I know it would only result in me looking like a bigger fool than I have been made to look like. I even wish for an apology, but I have to accept that I will never get one...
Huh? All of the sudden Blogger does a 180 and changes its format. I don't know if I like it though...I was so used to the old format...
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Last weekend was fun and eventful. I went to Newark to pick up M so she could see G at her prom's Grand March. It was a good thing my mother decided to take a day off so she could take her to all her appointments. Also, her best friend SS, and the Spanish exchange student living with her, JM, both who go to school in Western Maryland, were participating at the prom as well. It was my first time meeting JM. He seemed like a really nice guy and speaks English really well. Out of the three sisters, I think preparations for prom were the least stressful for G. I think she also looked the prettiest at prom out of the three sisters. She wore a light pink dress whose a bodice had satin ribbons in the front and had satin ribbon straps. Her hair was decorated with ribbons to go with her dress and her makeup had been done very nicely. She, SS, and JM went to pre-prom dinner in Ocean City with other friends from school. My parents, M, and I headed over to the Civic Center to see G march down the "red carpet" with her date. Grand March is a prom tradition here where we live. It is basically when each couple "promenades" down a walkway designed according to that year's theme. This year's theme was "An Affair to Remember", which was basically a 40's Hollywood theme. It was very nicely done. It was so strange seeing the classmates that Genevieve had grown up with all dressed up and looking so adult-like. Most I hadn't seen since they were in elementary school. Also, my friend JE was there...I invited her to Grand March...it had been the first time seeing her since coming back to the US...and since the death of my friend MC. It was rather awkward...and even though she is usually a quiet girl, my family noticed that she seemed unusually sad, and she seemed to want to go home after the Grand March and was just being nice in waiting until we found G in the crowd of prom-goers. But still, we met up with G after the Grand March and took pics of her and her date and her friends. We were very happy for her because she seemed to be really enjoying herself. After prom, she, SS, and JM did the usual after-prom thing in Ocean City but tried not to return home too late, because the next day, the three of them headed over to Western Maryland to participate in SS and JM's prom! Can you believe it? Two proms in a row! For this prom, Genevieve wore a black strapless dress made of tulle and she wore her hair down, with a pink ribbon around her head....I saw the pictures she took and she looked so nice! And she says that she had a really good time. We were very happy for her.
As for me, I drove M back to Newark, where I was to stay for the rest of the weekend so she could use the car. I made plans to meet with MAB, my friend from college and later on with J and the other two Soka exchange students CY and TS. MAB and I had lunch at Ali Baba's my favorite restaurant in Newark and then we had some coffee at Brew Ha-Ha. It was really nice talking to him and catching up. He had to go to a dress rehearsal, so afterwards, I met up with J...almost a year since I went with him to Yamagata. It was so strange seeing him again...all the memories of what happened in Yamagata came rushing back, finding it hard to believe that it's already been a year...and I wondered if something was going to happen again, since he was being his flirty, touch-feely self. But I kept thinking of K and how I much rather be with him....and how it wouldn't feel right if something happened with J. At the same time, I thought about how weak I can be under such situations. Still, I felt that I was a lot less naive, a bit wiser, and more careful when it came to J. I took him to meet M and later on took him to the shopping center so he could buy stuff at K-Mart. After that, I had to hand over the car to M, so we walked back to his apartment building to meet CY. Soon after, we met up with another Japanese girl that is also here to study English at the ELI (English Language Institute). I had told MAB that I would attend his play that evening so I invited them to come along, so the four of us went. The play, called "Behind the Mask" was a rather unusual play in which the cast sang selections from musicals...or sometimes just recited them. And there was a very funny redneck version of "Romeo and Juliet". I don't know whether my guests understood what was going on or not. Anyway, after the play, MAB invited me to the cast party, but I was trying to see what the Japanese exchange students were up to...CY and the other girl seemed to be turning in and J wanted to hang out and drink in his room. At first I told him I'd hang out with him but then I felt uncomfortable with the prospect of hanging out with just him and his roomates. And when it came down to it, I realized that I much rather hang out with MAB, so I had him pick me up in front of the Towers and take me to the party. I guess the party could be classified as a "drama geek" party, but let me say it was a very...interesting party, in which a drinking game got wild. Do you know the Three Dog Night lyrics that go "There are things, I ain't never seen before. I don't know what it is, but I don't wanna see no more"? Well, it was sort of like that, except that I wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, I became increasingly amused as I observed the game and became more and more tipsy. I would yell out when I felt the rules weren't being followed exactly. MAB too looked on with amusement. I think we're both getting too old for this....hehe.
The next day, I met up with J and TS since she couldn't meet up with us the day before. I showed J the nearest liquor store, where he proudly made his first alcohol purchase in the US. Then, we hung out in TS's room and watched some of "Spirited Away", which I have already seen. It is the cutest movie ever! Even the villians were adorable! All in all, I had a good time and later, when I got home, I made plans with J and CY to come down to my house the following weekend, but that's a whole other story....
As for me, I drove M back to Newark, where I was to stay for the rest of the weekend so she could use the car. I made plans to meet with MAB, my friend from college and later on with J and the other two Soka exchange students CY and TS. MAB and I had lunch at Ali Baba's my favorite restaurant in Newark and then we had some coffee at Brew Ha-Ha. It was really nice talking to him and catching up. He had to go to a dress rehearsal, so afterwards, I met up with J...almost a year since I went with him to Yamagata. It was so strange seeing him again...all the memories of what happened in Yamagata came rushing back, finding it hard to believe that it's already been a year...and I wondered if something was going to happen again, since he was being his flirty, touch-feely self. But I kept thinking of K and how I much rather be with him....and how it wouldn't feel right if something happened with J. At the same time, I thought about how weak I can be under such situations. Still, I felt that I was a lot less naive, a bit wiser, and more careful when it came to J. I took him to meet M and later on took him to the shopping center so he could buy stuff at K-Mart. After that, I had to hand over the car to M, so we walked back to his apartment building to meet CY. Soon after, we met up with another Japanese girl that is also here to study English at the ELI (English Language Institute). I had told MAB that I would attend his play that evening so I invited them to come along, so the four of us went. The play, called "Behind the Mask" was a rather unusual play in which the cast sang selections from musicals...or sometimes just recited them. And there was a very funny redneck version of "Romeo and Juliet". I don't know whether my guests understood what was going on or not. Anyway, after the play, MAB invited me to the cast party, but I was trying to see what the Japanese exchange students were up to...CY and the other girl seemed to be turning in and J wanted to hang out and drink in his room. At first I told him I'd hang out with him but then I felt uncomfortable with the prospect of hanging out with just him and his roomates. And when it came down to it, I realized that I much rather hang out with MAB, so I had him pick me up in front of the Towers and take me to the party. I guess the party could be classified as a "drama geek" party, but let me say it was a very...interesting party, in which a drinking game got wild. Do you know the Three Dog Night lyrics that go "There are things, I ain't never seen before. I don't know what it is, but I don't wanna see no more"? Well, it was sort of like that, except that I wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, I became increasingly amused as I observed the game and became more and more tipsy. I would yell out when I felt the rules weren't being followed exactly. MAB too looked on with amusement. I think we're both getting too old for this....hehe.
The next day, I met up with J and TS since she couldn't meet up with us the day before. I showed J the nearest liquor store, where he proudly made his first alcohol purchase in the US. Then, we hung out in TS's room and watched some of "Spirited Away", which I have already seen. It is the cutest movie ever! Even the villians were adorable! All in all, I had a good time and later, when I got home, I made plans with J and CY to come down to my house the following weekend, but that's a whole other story....
